This & That with Myself

Back to China

The differences:

I have meeting a few times a week in LA, spent 80% of the time by myself, my phone rang only a few times a day, spent 30 % of my time in the car, thinking, think a lot.

I have 10 times more meetings to attend in China, meaning 10 times more human contacts, 10 times more conversation, 10 times more chances to argue. I only spent 1% of my time, thinking, 91% of my time, working and sleeping together.

1% of thinking time a day, I think about just a few things, ski or snowboard, going home, and a single event that is happening in my life at the moment.

My mind hasn't been clearer for the longest time, but is funny that I feel like I don't know myself very well again. I wonder if the environment really matter? Or the people?

Having some difficulty going through or moving forward lately is completely normal, I know. It is scary if at this point of my life I am still happy go lucky, what will I do when something happen when I am 40 years old?

I would rather go through them now...it is scary, I start thinking about what to do when I am 40 years old.

Maybe environment does matter, China make me see that far, but in LA, I can't even live through yesterday.

Observatory

I never know such beautiful place exist in Los Angeles, maybe is because I never appreciate it. And the reason I don't appreciate it is because I never leave, so I never miss.

The observatory on the top of Griffith Park was an amazing place. You will get a nice night view of Los Angeles, the visible pollution in the air even at night, and some impressive fact about star and science.

And I finally understand, the smile with satisfaction, the good feeling of seeing something meaningful for the very first time everyday, the happiness that should exist and stay, the sky and the star.

Sometimes, we don't need a telescope to see far enough, because something that seems so far maybe just right there, beside you.

Sushi...out of my favorite list now

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080727/sc_afp/eufishenvironmenttunajapanchina

Think twice when you order sushi next time

Pain

When we were really young, hungry was a big deal, we cried for food.

When we were younger, getting the toy we wanted was a big deal, we cried for toys.

When we were young, exam was a big del, we cried when we failed.

When we get older, break up was a big deal, we cried when we got dumped.

When we are old enough, we don't know what's the big deal, but we cried, for no reason.

Growing up is truly a painful process, from pain, we learn. It seems like that's the only way.

If I stop writing one day, I know is because I am numb, from pain, and I know who I should call.

The end of the world

A few years back, the first time I saw Planet Earth trailor on the Discovery Channel, I was amazed. But it didn't struck me hard enough to remember it for long. Then I went to China, forget about it, got rid of me watching TV habbit...

I am glad, somehow, somewhere, I saw Planet Earth again and I ordered a copy from Amazon.com.

If this is the end of the world, at least I have a copy of how the earth used to look like.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I bought a few photo albums since I got the lomo camera, going back to the good old days, you won't know how the pictures will turn out until you develop them.

I took some picture of myself...and I realize, I have not have a picture of myself lay on my hand for the longest time.

I need to develop pictures again, instead of just putting them on the internet...

If this is the end of my world, at least I have a copy of how I used to smile and cry.

Deep breath

The first small step..

I took a deep breath this morning right after I opened my eyes.

It took more efforts than I thought.

Vulnerable

Everything seems so vulnerable.

Just one touch, you can destroy the universe.

I wonder who give the power of destruction.

I will never want this power if I have a choice.

If there's a way to end all these, I will blame no one.

Because I still don't know, where did I learn?

To hurt and to destroy.

Sharp Pain

I experienced some sharp pain on the chest while thinking about work, life, and everything else that happens in Los Angeles for the past year.

I thought I am gonna die. Is it because I was listening too much American Pie? Always thinking this would be the day that I die?

I know better than anyone else about how stress can really kill someone, and my current problem is not just about the stress, and everything else, my life is totally unbalance, there's just no good aspect in my life at this moment that  can help me to hold on to it.

If life is like this down the road, am I already lived the best part of it?

Am I expecting too much?

I just want something, anything out there, to make me happy again.

July 4th onwards

It has been 1 year...

Another July 4th in Los Angeles.

Another fireworks.

My purple G.G Armani Sunglasses.

My blink blink tight jeans.

My greenish top for Paul Van Dyke@ Vanguard.

The departure of the greatest love.

The arrival of the greatest surprise.

So many things had happened.

And I am still, the stubborn me.

But this year has been great so far, I finally try out white water rafting on July 4th, the long lost spontaneous spirit in me was once again ready for the summer. The awesome fireworks in Alhambra was totally expectable, it was just great.

Today is another great day, put on my summer dress, drove through the beautiful downtown night scene. Great food and good time.

Just like last summer, when everything just began... After 1 year, the feeling is still the same, I guess, it only gets better.

An insightful quote

From my mom,

"You don't have to work so hard anymore because we don't need big houses and big cars, it is not good to the environment, we just need enough."

We are seeing people selling their minivans, luxury cars, macho tank like Hummer everywhere in the country now to save their money for something that is more crucial in life, like food.

Under this kind of circumstance, we all know that pricing for almost everything on earth will just keep rising, the things that will decrease in value like property, currency and stock, the only thing that will remain the same is our paycheck.

I actually support higher gas price, maybe only when our fingers are burning and our wallet is empthy, humans only learn that we need to change our life style and live differently.  Global warming, air pollution, ice-free North Pole are just not as powerful as money that will shack up human beings to do something that is good for the earth.

Besides tighter budget for our everyday life, higher gas price brings in a lot more benefit to our environment and our society. We stuck at home and spend more time with family to save gas, we sleep more cause we have nothing to do, we only buy enough of what we need to use, no more wasting, we plan everyday trip to make sure we maximize the gasoline for our car, we start biking, walking, rollerblading , taking public transportation to work.

You plan well for your weekend, so you chose carefully where to go, who to go with. Your trip actually become better in quality than in quantity because is too expensive to make a mistake, air ticket is not cheap, you better make the best out of your trip.

It even makes the lonely city less lonely, because now you stuck at home because everyone want to save gas, not because you can't find anybody to hang out. Less jerks in our society because they can't afford to date too many people at one time, is just too expensive to drive around and meet different people. Your annoying coworkers will not have as much time to annoy you because they have to catch the bus.

And the list goes on...

So, are you still complaining the gas is too expensive?